WEEK 2, DAY 2

So last night was the first time in 3 weeks I came close to cheating. And I mean close!!

Thinking back I can see how it happened...

I was due to go to my kickboxing class but the girls I go with pulled out. I knew I would be the only one of 3 there (the other 2 being the instructor and this girl he flirts with) and I didn't want to be the third wheel so I took the opportunity to spend time with my puppy and took her to a friends house instead.

She made this fabulous dinner, slow cooked beef with new potatoes, asparagus and broccoli - it really was delicious and like being back in England at my parents! Plus it was freshly prepared and made from scratch so couldn't have been a more ideal meal.

Now I had a small portion, approximately 70g beef, 2 potatoes, 3 asparagus and a 2 florets of brocolli so no problems there and I worked it into my calories.

The drama began to unfold after she showed me the cookies and cream ice cream she had in her freezer and my mind went into a flurry...

Have any of you been to the Cold Rock ice cream place? When I first came to Perth I was really home sick and ate my feelings for about 6 months. This is how the stone I packed on came to be. Anyway, Cold Rock was a frequent favourite of mine and the flavour I would always go for was none other than Cookies and Cream with a handful of malteesers smashed in for good measure! And i'd always go for the large size although if i'm completely honest, I could have easily finished the family size.

Now I won't lie - I had exactly 4 tea spoon mouthfuls from the tub. And it was enough to bring me to the brink of binging. I'm talking heart racing, mind fogging, overwhelming sensations of wanting to lock myself in a room and demolish the entire tub. And it crossed my mind to have a bowl of it after dinner and put it down to "You've done so well Emma, what is one bowl going to do to you?".

And yes I know, in the grand scheme of things that one bowl wouldn't have done much damage but you know what? The feeling of guilt wouldn't have been worth it. For the sake of sticking to what I have promised myself, 100 days without cheats or binges, it would have been silly to throw the towel in.

And I won't sugar coat this people - it was bloody hard!!! Doing the right thing normally is. But I feel so amazing for it today. Today's Emma isn't suffering because of what yesterdays Emma chose to do and it was that exact mindset that helped to stop me because there is no greater battle than the one with yourself.

I also realised I think I have fooled myself a little bit when it comes down to exercise, convinced myself that it is just the food aspect that I need to work on when actually, exercise is what helps me keep focused when i'm having a craving or just a shit day in general.

Had I have gone kickboxing last night there is no way I would have come that close to a binge. Never have I done a workout and not felt fantastic! Those feel good endorphins make me feel ecstatic and like I can take on anything.

I've not done as much as I intended to do so far this week workout wise:

Monday: Bikram Yoga 90 mins
Tuesday: Kickboxing 60 mins
Wednesday: Boxing Fitness 30 mins
Thursday: Nothing

I was feeling a bit bleurgh last night after not going to kickboxing like I normally would on a Thursday and I should have lugged my arse to the gym and sweated it out instead of falling into a negative mind trap.

But there is a lesson to be learnt from this and I won't let it hold me back. I will gym today, do boxing Saturday morning and a gym and swim in the afternoon and then a gym session Sunday before work. I'll finish the week off with a bang and up my game!

I keep reminding myself that this is a lifelong journey and not one that will always be smooth. I'm only human and no one is perfect.

So here's to us falling sometimes, only to pick ourselves straight back up again!!